My Love Post.

Finally I'm back to blog.

This time I'm gonna post with pictures so no worries.

I know blog is like my private space but still people will update themselves often with this lil not updated corner of mine.

People who knows me should know I'm not a very computer person or rather I'm too lazy to use lappy.

Today marks a very special start of my so called new life so I should blog.

Can anyone guess what's it? (If you followed me on twitter you would have known)

Yes my poor boy is enlisting TODAY.

So much for not seeing him for 2 weeks, I wrote him letters just days before today.

Letters enough to last him for 2 weeks, not till his book out.

For people whom have seen him, bet you all know his presence is like mine.

When you see him, you see me. Like his sister once said we're like glued already, and that was just when we got together.

I am so dependent on him daily, now that I can't see him for 2 weeks, its torturing.

- no more purple line;

- no more "leticia"

- no more supper;

- no more warm hugs to bed;

& this list continues....

For those who have been through this yea you guys will know my feeling.

Just can't stop crying these days even before he's going in.

I cried to bed and he was asking me why....

I haven't really been so attached to anyone before, so its really tough for me.

So minutes after I started writing this post, best friend called.

He's the best when it comes to being a really good friend.

He knows when to do things and when not. We're so close many would thought we're together and often his or my partner will be jealous.

Yet this time I'm so so glad that my nini can clique with him.

Still remember the first time we went out to eat together. Was a total hard time. Yet now they are quite good! :D

Plus they will see each other daily now I'm so jealous.

(bear with me I want to write all out here)

*I love my bf he just cliques with all people I know.

So I was talking to best friend and asking how's the new batch in.

Well my ex is in his company (so happening) and my boy is in another.

He told me to cheer up cause he doubts bc will be calling.

And so I texted the boy and true enough, he injured himself and can't call. That moment I really want to start bursting into tears.

He told me he misses me so much and put his :'( face behind.

I'M A TOTAL FAGGOT WHEN I SEE THAT. I CAN'T STAND GUYS CRYING. I will feel SUPER UBER SAD.

So because mummy is just beside me I sucked up my tears, but the second text I totally cried. lol.

Enough of words pictures up now.

No more pedi/mani
no more working out
no more act cute face

no more ak (ah kua)



no more snapshots


no more oily face
no more supper

no more carrying bag
no more hugs


no more hair blowing





and of course, no more facial time.

I just hope he will be fine, and out soon.

I know its not the end of the world.

What I am to you?

Many times, I ask myself:

Who really cares about me?

The answer was never in my head, I really don't know who. If you force me to give out some answers, obviously it's my mum and nanny.
But will there be anyone else?

I was talking to a friend today, explaining what type of person I am.
Here is the summary:

I love to cry;
Hide things to myself;
Tried to share but always don't get back what I want;
Love to help friends with their problems;
Damn lazy;
No motivation- unless important la;
I share every single thing with people whom I love - Boyfriend;
Gullible;
Moodswing like mad;
Always do things already then regret;
Never had good relationship with girls;
I can never be good;

Ultimately, crying is my best friend.

My blog also! Though I keep neglecting it :( Sorry.



I don't want to be a pain in his ass you know, causing more trouble to him.
I want him to be happy too.
But today, I was really not feeling well and happy already, but his attention was all on his friend and brother.
I think I over reacted, I felt that he don't really give a damn to me.



And I think, I should open up.
I cannot treat my blog like a throw up place.
I used to blog happily, but why have things become like I sad only come blog?

My life have changed so much.
I don't want to be sad already, must be happy!



I know my blog loves me,
I love myself also.
Maybe I should give us both time.
Shouldn't think about him so much, being such a glue.
Fuck it. That shall be it :)


I should be happy more, hardworking also please :)

I need a place to hide.

After so long, all the ups and downs, we still don't understand what we need.

Couples are least prone to quarreling after being together for longer time right?

Yet it was reversed for me. I don't know what is wrong with us.

I really don't.

Is it because we're way too different in our mindset?

Or it is because of our age difference? Generation gap?

I feel helpless and worthless when he scolded me yesterday.

I know I'm being kpo, trying to help when I know nothing, but I wanna help, because I know he won't to a thing to it (how I understand him).

But in ended up that he got mad and yea, major quarrels.

Yes, I'm a fucked up person cause I hate it when you treat like nothing happened in the morning the next day.

That is me, what more you want?

I'm not like you, wake up then go "Hi baby, I'm up."

Then what?

What else can I say? "Okay."

But I tried to give in. I tried to reply in nice tone, even send you a picture and you said its ugly.

Come on, I tried my best.

But nothing to you is nice, nothing is pretty.

I think I'm even worst.

Is this going to end up even worst in the near future?

Cause if so I would just end it here. It saves me from heartpains.

You have changed, from when I met you.

I have too. After being together I demand more and you start to see me as a loathe.

I agree. Sometimes I cannot stand myself, why the fuck am I so kpo, nosey.

Always poking into your stuffs and others stuff.

Maybe I cared in the wrong way.

But I cannot stand it when I get blamed.

Just like your friend case.

Being nice but ended up not nice.

Okay, maybe your friend is right.

We should end this, what he said really affected me great time.

Till now. I swear I cannot get over it.

I always thought as long as we like/love one another, we are willing to compromise, all can be done.

But look, don't seems like that for me. Or us.

We can't even understand and give in at the same time.

What else can I do to make you happy?

Telling me to stop bothering your stuffs? I can't.

Unless you're not my friend anymore. If not I really cannot don't do it.

I think I'm just a screwed up for life.

Bye.

Loving you was the most happy part of my life, and losing you was never an option I would choose to take.

你有没有在听？

Hi blog.


I didn't think my blog would survive so long.
Almost reaching 300th post.
Thanks. To everyone reading; and also thanks to myself for blogging. (Lame)

I made a friend recently.
Her name is Joey Goh.
She's a nice girl, always listening to me & helping me out.
I hope she don't find me a hassle or burden.
I hope this friendship can work out.


I'm here ranting again.
Just got home from The Cathay, watched Ip Man 2.
Touching, Nice end.
What else?

Things has been up & down for me.
I start to complain like most girls.
I start to flare up at slightest shit you will find.
I start to make a big fuss, scold vulgarities.
I start to throw temper at you (I always do).
I start to be emotional.
I start to rise my guard against girls & women.
I start to hate cell bio, hate school.
I start to lose motivation.
I start to hate myself.




Why does things always have to go against me?

But I begin to love something.


I began to love spending money, just to make myself happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------


Also, I hate it when you behave like a 大男人.

Ciao.

What's wrong?

I don't know where to begin.
I don't know what went wrong.
Something about me.
Something is different.


I get agitated easily.
I get annoyed.
Whatever that is happening, I find it stupid.
I think I've changed.
Things around me are the same.
Why can't I just pretend nothing happened?


I can't clique with friends anymore.
I got new social circle.
But nobody is there.
I think that he don't understand me enough.
Will he be there when I cry?
Or I think I've watched too much drama.


I feel pathetic.
Maybe I am pathetic.
I got no true friends.
Or maybe like mummy said, I'm used to being ill fated.
I should get used to this feeling soon.



Being alone can be really nice sometimes.
Just have to be positive.

1st Jan 2010

Just one very random post.

Your Love Horoscope

Happy New Year, Aries! You will find that this is a very productive period for you when it comes to love. This new year is going to bring many of the blessings you have been waiting for, and you will find that you will easily get what you want with romance, whether you are single or attached. This is a new year where you feel free to concentrate on the things that are most important to you now when it comes to romance. Getting what you really want and moving toward achieving the things which are important to you may involve surrendering something or eliminating something from your life at this time. In order for change you need out with the old to bring in with the new, so perhaps an attitude, a situation, or an attachment that has been impeding you is now released.

My Daily Horoscope:

This is a day on which your energy could be split between optimism and regret, Aries. On the one hand, you may feel like you've been betrayed by a person or method that did not live up to its promises. On the other, you've grasped a learning experience that will spur you on towards greater accomplishments. This is not a cause to give up. One of the main building blocks of success is failure. In the meantime, there could be a realization or new information pertaining to work or business that could be profitable.

Wow, it's like rather true.
And indeed I do have a hard relationship with Capricorn.
What can be done to make it better?


Anyways.

Happy New Year All Readers!

:)

Hope 2010 is a better year to you all!

nothing.

I'm always unhappy about something,
since when am I happy?

Everything lies with me.
Thanks for making it better by trying to give in.









This is me.
I'm never happy.
Goodbye.

Having A Break.

I hate the aftermath of crying at night.

Now my eyes are so swollen it feels like I can't open my eyes normally.
And of course, I looked like shit.

For whatever that has happened, be it.
I got to get over it.
I'm blessed that someone was there to help, I couldn't imagine what will happen without him.

I'm not ever gonna work at redemption again;
not with my brother also.
I hate the way Capricorn always go against Aries.
It makes working so much harder.
What lost is lost, just thank God at least it's over.


I'm gonna start working again tomorrow.
Have to find time out to thank the one who helped me personally.
Sorry for letting everyone down & worried.
Ultimately Chenpei is the way she is, she is just worthless, helpless and useless.

I'm just a hinder to everyone's life here.

Again.

Chenpei is a bad friend.
She always will be one.

So many times things like this happened.
I feel betrayed.
All the times I tried to befriend a girl, but it don't work.
Now I thought you were my best friend, yet you're turned against me.


Tears kept rolling down my hot cheeks;
it felt cold.
Was it because my cheeks were too hot compared to the tears,
or the tears symbolizes your cold-heartedness?

Yes, I am a loser.
I always use you when I don't even fucking know what I did.
I am by nature this way, what else do you want man?

I'm not gaining sympathy here for losing a friend,
I'm heartbroken, because you're like manipulated by someone else.

Friends don't tell you what to do,
Friends don't judge how bad are you,
Friends tell you what is right & wrong,
Friends speaks up about each other in the face,
Friends don't despise you even if the whole world did so,
Lastly, Friends are definitely not Hypocrites.

In this event, I saw who my real friends are.
It's disappointing when your trust is broken by someone.
& this is not the first time it happened.
Yet, it's one of the most painful experience I have.


For those with true friends, you're indeed so lucky.
So do treasure them.

P.S: You should know who I'm talking about. For those who hates me, continue doing so. Cause your unhappiness won't cause me to shorten my life, it'll just make me a stronger person.

When Two Becomes One.

Is it so hard to be as one?

Everything should be considered as one,
no more for me, or for you only.
Our mindset should also be the same.
Understanding, accepting each other.

But somehow, something will always be in the way.
I've always believed in:
Correct person,
Correct time,
Correct place.


Are we all correct?

You want me to be happy, I want the same for you as well.

To the loser,

I didn't know I meant so much to you.
I know, I've hurt you enough.
So now I bet nothing more.
It has been a long time, I opened the folder that only belong to us.
Couple of photos deleted. No longer around.

You know you are better off with someone else.
Bring the love you have for me to another girl.
I'm sure you will receive just as much love back to you.

Read your blog, guess it's been hard on all of us.
So good bye to you,
Study hard.

She is now studying hard, will be gone for 2 months.
Take care all darlings.

Lost It All.

To begin with, I think I've always lacked of Confidence.

Since young I guess.
I'm not like a babe, not like a smart girl, not even a sociable person.

Whenever I meet some one unfamiliar, I'll just try to avoid as much as possible.
I hate meeting new people, not unless it's someone I'm comfortable with.
& now, after I know I'm not always the best, not at least any good, I've lost it all.

My O levels mother tongue, just as expected, I got a B3.
I am not sad, I'm just kinda dishearten.
My Oral, being one of my strongest point, actually became my weakest factor.
I merely passed it.

Maybe like I've said before, it's my luck.
I got a tough conversation topic, and I'm not doing well.
Am I putting in enough effort?
I guess not at all.


My English oral is coming, will I do well enough?


Leaving this aside, not only studies makes me lose my confidence, even friends does.
I've realised, sometimes when you try so hard to be someone you're not, everything will just hit you back twice as much.
I should just stick to my old friends, or just being alone. Right?

But I know there are definitely some friends I can rely on.
They are the one who don't leave me, who don't speak back behind my backs.
At least, they are those who label me as their "Friend".

Going out as a group would have many joy & laughter,
but how many are actually involved?
That's why, I prefer to go out in small group.
Everything will just be shared among us.
Wouldn't that be better?


But afterall, I'm glad.
Putting all these problems aside, I still have my family.
My nanny's family as well.
They are ultimately my happiness.
If one day, even they choose to quarrel with me, I guess it'll just be another breakdown for me.


My food poisoning is almost over, just that my appetite still haven't really much recovered.
I know my emotions lately had been bad, sorry for those who put up with me.
Stomach cramp and headache just drives me mad.


Last quote for the day:

Always think of those who are in worst state when you want to complain.

Blogger is my bestest friend, I bet it applies to many too.

IN LOVE WITH PAPERS!

Hello readers!


I know many have been asking me to blog,
so here I am ! :D

Well, I don't know where to begin,
but I do know, I love doing papers!
Be it Prelims, TYS, MidYear whatever!
Don't you think it's super duper fun?!
I might be studying mad man.


Okay, class today was awesome!
I had no problems with being sleepy, and I was laughing non-stop for English!
Really cool.
" You so ugly also die what."
Quoted by our very own Mr Zhang. :D

I think we should have more debates! :D x 12780049305

Yea. Was browsing through some Cosplay photos at sgcafe,
saw some scary ones :x
I don't know why. Maybe is looks too scary.
Was telling Jiayi maybe we can cosplay too after Os ! :D
But I won't know what to cosplay mannnn~

Last of all,
I'm really reaching the deadline for many stuffs,
So I won't be blogging much.
Don't Miss me alright!

Maybe you readers can read my blog once a week, or even two weeks.

So I'll be back! :)

PS: I'm going to be a Peranakan Girl on monday! (Loves!)

AND BEFORE I FORGET: CHEER UP MOOMOO ! :/

When I'm old? :S

Bare face!

What's the point of letting go,
when you know that you'll surly regret?

Life just continues..

I feel a lot better when I said everything I wanna tell him.
Don't worry to those who cared for me :)
I will be okay soon.
Though I will still be hoping we're still together...


For those taking Mother Tongue Os tomorrow, Good Luck!
I hope the whole week of Mother Tongue Intensive has helped us a lot.
Please, I want a Distinction badly ):

Couple of days ago, had our annual sports day.
I was so burned! Not to mention how I looked now :/
With so much practice, we won our Caterpillar Race & Three Legged Race !
HOORAYYYY~
But my tan is so uneven! Now my face, hands & legs are itching ):
I want to go tanning! :D

I'm getting more bra soon! :D

Will upload more pictures again okay? :]
Seeyou people!

Talent, Occupation.

Well, as much as exams are over,

what students dread most is here!

RESULTS !

Tell me who loves results more than exams?

Sure you do, when you really think you can make it.

But for this MidYear, I think most of us are just demoralized.

That includes me for sure.

I already had the feeling that I wasn't prepared for Os just after the second day of exams?

It's nuts, but seriously,

WHY THE HELL WOULD SCHOOLS GIVE PAPERS WHICH ONLY DEMORALIZES US?

I don't get that.

Yes, to push us, get better results, what-so-ever.

But hey, when we don't do well for this papers, you all say we don't study hard.

Just like what Adam Khoo workshop taught us,

"Do you even think all the Triangles we learn in Maths we be
applicable in future?"

Don't tell me you would want to calculate the possibility of you getting a job in the future.

I know, we are students.

We must study. But can't schools encourage us in another way?

Now I'm so stressed I really wished that I wasn't born.

Or at least could just go out to work.

Maybe I can push my luck.

Since I love to sing, why not go for audition?

Like Singapore Idol, whatever.

That's my forte.

I can be blogger too! :D

( Chenpei really wish to continue ranting... )

But whatever it is, I just have to do my best.

For that, only I know if I'm really pushing my potentials.

So people, whatever you do, always give it your best.

Even you may not be the Best,

But you're the Best yourself & you know it.

I just have to try harder next time.

This time is really horrendous.

Anyway, dark horse won AI !

Like even I'm amazed.

KRIS ALLEN LEHHHHHHH!

As humble as he is, I still remember he said:

" I may not be vocally good/better than the rest, but I'll always do my
best"

(something like that)

Yes! And because he constantly work hard, it paid off!

With much determination I'm sure we all can too!

Yea, the champion song was awesome too :D

(though I am still disappointed that Danny was out, but Kris is handsome too! :x )

Alright, that's all I think.

Dumpling Festival is coming, I want to "wrap dumpling" if I'm free! :DDD

My Life.

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I don't know why the hell my comp is so lag today -.-

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Bi asked me to blog about him.
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But I think let's do it another day :D
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What to do.
My time has all been taken up by homework & him :(
Should I rejoice?
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End it. Goodnight.

BIASEDNESS.

Everything happens for a reason.
Why you are born,
Why opposite sex attracts,
Why you are what you are,
Why birds can fly, fishes can swim,
& also Why people detest one another.

But all these comes down to reality.
Since when do you ever think that life was is fair?

Why do parents compare?
Why will they always nag at you, without fail, when you got bad grades, and go like:
" Why other people can be so smart you cannot? "
If that is the case, many children will just wonder/reply:
" Then you go take the boy boy/girl girl as your child la! "

So will even think:
" You own self also don't know how to study, say so much for what. "

All these are reality.
When people do well, others will get jealous.
And they will complain about it.
But have you ever thought of doing equally well compared to those who are always the Best?

My mother was is never satisfied with my grades.
Even when I can get the highest in class for just once, she claims that she can do better.
I am not proud of it. It's just a common test plus it's just Mother Tongue.
Who cares about it?
Right till now I can still say maybe she really don't care.
But from another point of view, she's just pushing me to make me better.
Everyone got their methods, right?


But I just don't get it. Why do people have to be bias?
Just because you are smarter, does it mean that I am dumber?
I believed everyone is good in something.
Like even if lions are the best predator, there is sure preys which can outrun them.
Like the best band, if you were to pick one player out, can the player play a beautiful piece?
Like the blind people (no offense), they have better sense in other area.

So what if I am from Normal Academy?
Does it mean that I am inferior compared to the Express students?
I can say I can sing, but who can't sing?
It's just whether you can sing melodiously or not.
So I can study too, just that I am not intelligently better than the better student.

And the thing about respect. Tell me how to respect someone when he/she does not even respect me first.
HELLO!~ Seniors so what?
Big is it? Tell me where big?
Use your brain darling.
If you got high IQ, I bet your EQ is half as much as your IQ.
Or even lesser.

Alright. Stop complaining about life already.
Let the pictures do the talking.

A character from To kill a mocking bird.

Hockey, Pinky ?

The rest are all me.

Because Daphne wasn't in the best mood to take pictures, she left me taking it alone ):
And last of all,

The above post was not about me.
I am Sec 4 already, in 4E(Express) and the oldest cause I am Seventeen.
It's just about my views to certain unhappiness in school.
Especially when it comes to discrimination against NA or NT.
Thank you.