Lost It All.

To begin with, I think I've always lacked of Confidence.

Since young I guess.
I'm not like a babe, not like a smart girl, not even a sociable person.

Whenever I meet some one unfamiliar, I'll just try to avoid as much as possible.
I hate meeting new people, not unless it's someone I'm comfortable with.
& now, after I know I'm not always the best, not at least any good, I've lost it all.

My O levels mother tongue, just as expected, I got a B3.
I am not sad, I'm just kinda dishearten.
My Oral, being one of my strongest point, actually became my weakest factor.
I merely passed it.

Maybe like I've said before, it's my luck.
I got a tough conversation topic, and I'm not doing well.
Am I putting in enough effort?
I guess not at all.


My English oral is coming, will I do well enough?


Leaving this aside, not only studies makes me lose my confidence, even friends does.
I've realised, sometimes when you try so hard to be someone you're not, everything will just hit you back twice as much.
I should just stick to my old friends, or just being alone. Right?

But I know there are definitely some friends I can rely on.
They are the one who don't leave me, who don't speak back behind my backs.
At least, they are those who label me as their "Friend".

Going out as a group would have many joy & laughter,
but how many are actually involved?
That's why, I prefer to go out in small group.
Everything will just be shared among us.
Wouldn't that be better?


But afterall, I'm glad.
Putting all these problems aside, I still have my family.
My nanny's family as well.
They are ultimately my happiness.
If one day, even they choose to quarrel with me, I guess it'll just be another breakdown for me.


My food poisoning is almost over, just that my appetite still haven't really much recovered.
I know my emotions lately had been bad, sorry for those who put up with me.
Stomach cramp and headache just drives me mad.


Last quote for the day:

Always think of those who are in worst state when you want to complain.

Blogger is my bestest friend, I bet it applies to many too.