you just don't know it.

Great, I got to post all over again since I forgot I cannot lock my phone else post will be gone.

So I was just saying, which girl isn't materialistic you tell me.

Which girl doesn't like their boyfriend to buy them what they want when they say they love it, pay for their expenses like spa, facial, hair, be able to treat them good meal at restaurant every time they go out?

If you're a girl and you hate guys to pay for you even to a single tiny bit, you must be lying.

Even though I dislike guys to pay for me all the time, it is good to know that he will pay for what you want every once in awhile.

The reason why I hated you to go out with your friends was because you always seemed to have money when you are with them. Pool, movie, whatever. Yet when we're together, we're always broke and could do nothing. Sometimes we even have problem affording something good.

This friend told me something like "if you think money is never an issue in r/s, you're fucking wrong." I realised and got it now. Yes, we cannot deny money is not the issue. Without money, how can a couple go out on date? How can they enjoy time together?

Though its not good that the girl becomes reliant on the guy, but once in awhile, if the guy is able to splurge on the girl, it really makes them feel pampered.

My post is getting more wordy each time. Too many to complain, too little you know.

But I guess you will never have the time again to know. I guess its only meant for myself then :)

i did think bout starting everything all over again with you, but since you already made it sound like there is no second chance, guess we will be better off like that :)

all over again.

What is love when you didn't appear?

Yet again I keep asking myself, should I be doing this?

I want to be with both so badly.

One is because we've been together for 9months now, it didn't take me just a few days to love him. He was the one that really treated me like his everything. But now, everything is nothing.

Another though we've known each other for a long time, we only got better recently. With him there will be limitless laughter and surprises, probably the best part is he is already out of NS.

Both are so nice, pampering me like their Queen. Why do I have to just choose one and hurt another?

So fuck it. Its all gonna be good, I hope :)

BS.

I told you already, when tears dry, it means the end.

You should be glad, cause I still have tears.

You should also worry, cause they are really drying up.

女朋友是这样对待的吗？

I know all i am to you now is being unreasonable.

Cause I restrict you from meeting your friends etcetc.

Stand in my shoes and look at it ok.

I take off from last month just to go out with you every month and ended up you're just meeting me for a movie.

If that is the best you can do to your gf, I rather you go out your friends.

Your friends last min ask you out can even win my date that I asked for a month.

These just shows how nice you are okay.

You say you don't like me to do last min changes, yet you did it today,

made me sleep the whole day till 7+, 8 and tell me you're just meeting me for a midnight movie.

I should just have asked my friends out.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Great, I just did what I want.

How?

Hi earthlings.

I don't know what have I done. Or what the hell am I thinking now.

I'm lost. I'm paranoid.

Did I do something wrong?

I sensed that it feels like May 2009 suddenly.

He is being cold and its so weird.

Is it just me? Or really something has happened that I didn't know?

How God? I'm very unstable now.

If you were my close friend, you would have known that past few days weren't good at all.

Now I'm broke too.

But I'm broke cause I'm saving. Ironic hor?

I really wish to upload some pictures, but sorry my phone really cannot make it.

Maybe when I ask from someone.

I should stop thinking now, ask him tomorrow, and trust him <3

What I am to you?

Many times, I ask myself:

Who really cares about me?

The answer was never in my head, I really don't know who. If you force me to give out some answers, obviously it's my mum and nanny.
But will there be anyone else?

I was talking to a friend today, explaining what type of person I am.
Here is the summary:

I love to cry;
Hide things to myself;
Tried to share but always don't get back what I want;
Love to help friends with their problems;
Damn lazy;
No motivation- unless important la;
I share every single thing with people whom I love - Boyfriend;
Gullible;
Moodswing like mad;
Always do things already then regret;
Never had good relationship with girls;
I can never be good;

Ultimately, crying is my best friend.

My blog also! Though I keep neglecting it :( Sorry.



I don't want to be a pain in his ass you know, causing more trouble to him.
I want him to be happy too.
But today, I was really not feeling well and happy already, but his attention was all on his friend and brother.
I think I over reacted, I felt that he don't really give a damn to me.



And I think, I should open up.
I cannot treat my blog like a throw up place.
I used to blog happily, but why have things become like I sad only come blog?

My life have changed so much.
I don't want to be sad already, must be happy!



I know my blog loves me,
I love myself also.
Maybe I should give us both time.
Shouldn't think about him so much, being such a glue.
Fuck it. That shall be it :)


I should be happy more, hardworking also please :)

I need a place to hide.

After so long, all the ups and downs, we still don't understand what we need.

Couples are least prone to quarreling after being together for longer time right?

Yet it was reversed for me. I don't know what is wrong with us.

I really don't.

Is it because we're way too different in our mindset?

Or it is because of our age difference? Generation gap?

I feel helpless and worthless when he scolded me yesterday.

I know I'm being kpo, trying to help when I know nothing, but I wanna help, because I know he won't to a thing to it (how I understand him).

But in ended up that he got mad and yea, major quarrels.

Yes, I'm a fucked up person cause I hate it when you treat like nothing happened in the morning the next day.

That is me, what more you want?

I'm not like you, wake up then go "Hi baby, I'm up."

Then what?

What else can I say? "Okay."

But I tried to give in. I tried to reply in nice tone, even send you a picture and you said its ugly.

Come on, I tried my best.

But nothing to you is nice, nothing is pretty.

I think I'm even worst.

Is this going to end up even worst in the near future?

Cause if so I would just end it here. It saves me from heartpains.

You have changed, from when I met you.

I have too. After being together I demand more and you start to see me as a loathe.

I agree. Sometimes I cannot stand myself, why the fuck am I so kpo, nosey.

Always poking into your stuffs and others stuff.

Maybe I cared in the wrong way.

But I cannot stand it when I get blamed.

Just like your friend case.

Being nice but ended up not nice.

Okay, maybe your friend is right.

We should end this, what he said really affected me great time.

Till now. I swear I cannot get over it.

I always thought as long as we like/love one another, we are willing to compromise, all can be done.

But look, don't seems like that for me. Or us.

We can't even understand and give in at the same time.

What else can I do to make you happy?

Telling me to stop bothering your stuffs? I can't.

Unless you're not my friend anymore. If not I really cannot don't do it.

I think I'm just a screwed up for life.

Bye.

Loving you was the most happy part of my life, and losing you was never an option I would choose to take.

Roller Coaster.

Been some time since I blogged.

I think that since this month started, its kinda fast paced for me.

Don't know whether its because this month was scheduled way earlier than it is, or I'm just dreading for this month.

Whatever, I know it hasn't been pretty much enjoyable.

June is here, I realised I lost weight?

I don't know if it is true. Whatever. I hope I lose more weight.

Become bones also can. Nobody cares la.

Seriously, June isn't the best time is it?

IT show is coming, holidays blahablah.

Somehow I don't feel happy?

Sick.

Forget it. I better stop here.

I might end up complaining more.

Here are some photos:

My Best friend Crying is always the best thing for me.

Goodnight.

你有没有在听？

Hi blog.


I didn't think my blog would survive so long.
Almost reaching 300th post.
Thanks. To everyone reading; and also thanks to myself for blogging. (Lame)

I made a friend recently.
Her name is Joey Goh.
She's a nice girl, always listening to me & helping me out.
I hope she don't find me a hassle or burden.
I hope this friendship can work out.


I'm here ranting again.
Just got home from The Cathay, watched Ip Man 2.
Touching, Nice end.
What else?

Things has been up & down for me.
I start to complain like most girls.
I start to flare up at slightest shit you will find.
I start to make a big fuss, scold vulgarities.
I start to throw temper at you (I always do).
I start to be emotional.
I start to rise my guard against girls & women.
I start to hate cell bio, hate school.
I start to lose motivation.
I start to hate myself.




Why does things always have to go against me?

But I begin to love something.


I began to love spending money, just to make myself happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------


Also, I hate it when you behave like a 大男人.

Ciao.

What's wrong?

I don't know where to begin.
I don't know what went wrong.
Something about me.
Something is different.


I get agitated easily.
I get annoyed.
Whatever that is happening, I find it stupid.
I think I've changed.
Things around me are the same.
Why can't I just pretend nothing happened?


I can't clique with friends anymore.
I got new social circle.
But nobody is there.
I think that he don't understand me enough.
Will he be there when I cry?
Or I think I've watched too much drama.


I feel pathetic.
Maybe I am pathetic.
I got no true friends.
Or maybe like mummy said, I'm used to being ill fated.
I should get used to this feeling soon.



Being alone can be really nice sometimes.
Just have to be positive.

AIR-TWO-SAY.

It hurts when you doubt me even after nearly a year.
Why does this happens?
Am I really that bad, that flirt enough for you to say it again & again?

Seeing a text & no probing, just assuming.
That's all it takes to make me sad.
Go ahead.
Doubt me all you one.
If one day, you really think that more girls that lined up behind me is better,
make me out of the queue.
Cause maybe i'm no longer the No. 1.




Yes, peggy is no longer a Billabong girl.
But it was nice working there.
Learning new stuffs.

However, I enjoy my current work a lot too.
Its fun BUT ALSO, stress as its my first time in this line.
Just like how I got scolded today.


But still! I enjoy working with my full timer girls :D
Adeline & Shiya are all friendly people.
Adeline is cute, always smiling to me.
And Shiya is nice, always helping me.


I think I created much troubles for them, kept calling them and ask stuffs.
But I'll learn more & be independent! :)


To the rest, photos will be up soon as phone crashed.
AHAHAHHA. SEEYOU!

MOODY.

Conscience: What's wrong Peggy?

Peggy: I don't know. I don't feel happy. So sudden.

Conscience: Hmmm, no reasons? Work, Friends, Love, School?

Peggy: Maybe all.

Conscience: Are you doing anything to it then?

Peggy: No. I feel like taking a break from everything. I'm tired. Maybe crying makes me feel better?

Conscience: Crying again? Why not tell someone?

Peggy: I am what, I'm telling you.

Conscience: -.- , cheer up.

Peggy: Thanks.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Today is such a long day.
Felt so tired and moody towards the end.
No mood to laugh, think and do things.

I wanna get a Coach wallet.
Damn it, it's only available in US.
Maybe I should go out on 23 and search for it.

My baby sleep like no tomorrow.
I better not call him.
I feel restless.

Thank you Reuben & Yu Jia for coming down today uh.

Also Thank you Baby for coming down to accompany me whenever you're free luh.
Love you most already.

P.S: SANTA CLAUS IS COMING! HE GAVE ME A LOLLIPOP TODAY! :D

.

We're going towards the wrong destination.

Having A Break.

I hate the aftermath of crying at night.

Now my eyes are so swollen it feels like I can't open my eyes normally.
And of course, I looked like shit.

For whatever that has happened, be it.
I got to get over it.
I'm blessed that someone was there to help, I couldn't imagine what will happen without him.

I'm not ever gonna work at redemption again;
not with my brother also.
I hate the way Capricorn always go against Aries.
It makes working so much harder.
What lost is lost, just thank God at least it's over.


I'm gonna start working again tomorrow.
Have to find time out to thank the one who helped me personally.
Sorry for letting everyone down & worried.
Ultimately Chenpei is the way she is, she is just worthless, helpless and useless.

I'm just a hinder to everyone's life here.

When Two Becomes One.

Is it so hard to be as one?

Everything should be considered as one,
no more for me, or for you only.
Our mindset should also be the same.
Understanding, accepting each other.

But somehow, something will always be in the way.
I've always believed in:
Correct person,
Correct time,
Correct place.


Are we all correct?

You want me to be happy, I want the same for you as well.

To the loser,

I didn't know I meant so much to you.
I know, I've hurt you enough.
So now I bet nothing more.
It has been a long time, I opened the folder that only belong to us.
Couple of photos deleted. No longer around.

You know you are better off with someone else.
Bring the love you have for me to another girl.
I'm sure you will receive just as much love back to you.

Read your blog, guess it's been hard on all of us.
So good bye to you,
Study hard.

She is now studying hard, will be gone for 2 months.
Take care all darlings.

MAKE ME CRY LA!

rubbing makes wonder.
Now my eye is all swollen ):

-

Less than 5 more hours to my deadline,
Can a miracle happen?

:(

If time can go back, what would you wanna change?

Today is super $&@#&()()_+!_@(&(*)(&^
Had Listening Compre,
I didn't sign my Answer Sheet;
cabbed back to school just to sign it,
phone dropped on the floor because I was too angry.
Now it cannot read my memory card.


What the fuck is wrong with today.


Yesterday emotional,
Today angry & a little emotional.
What about tomorrow?

Sweet, you're wanted.

Bad Student.

Ah, From today onwards,
I MUST go to school daily,
Stop complaining,
Stop being so lazy.
Learn to study at least 16 hours per day!
):

No more social life okay!

I'm guilty, really guilty ):

Chenpei is going emo.

Word of the Day: Fuck.

I'm not in the mood to talk about anything already.
I thought I was a cheerful girl.
Maybe I am, but somehow everything is making me not happy.


Got home, wanted to sit down & blog, no, I can't.
Why?
Cause my brother wanna use it. & so ?
Because my mum ask me let him use first.
Why she like that?
Cause she is bias.


Home is like, a No-Where to me.



Went out today, should be happy.
But something happened midway.
If you really want it this way I'm fine with it.
It just means that I don't suit to be loved, or to love.


Relationships to me: Never had I not fail in this.



& Friends, don't call me your sister when you cannot compromise to me.
Why must everything suits you?
Can't you all spare a thought for me?
Maybe is because I want find you so must listen to you.
I'm not your dog, mind you.



I did not mention names in the above post.
If you're guilty then be it.

Guess all I have to do is go into my bed & let it all out.
Bye.

I've lost everything, all back to square one.