Dated.

10 months ago I've cut my hair short.

It was our first date.


Yet today, is also our last day together.


I missed everything bout us, everything.

Smoking.

I guess its evident that I dislike smoking? It was never my interest since my father died due to lung cancer.
Knowing that my father got cancer means there will be chance i'll get it too? Plus friends around me smoke too, even harder to not get it.

Not saying I dislike people whom smoke, but I really just wish for a smoke free environment. Not because im afaid to die but I detest the smell a lot? Just so bad man.

I was glad he don't smoke when I got to know him, whole 9 months without smoke.
Yet now, he picked it up again, Idk is it because of me or not.
Yes, I lied. Saying that I wasn't sad or what. Truth is he still matter somewhere inside. I don't know if its because I still like him or what, but he will still be on my mind as and when his image wants to appear.
Usually when im alone, its when im most vulnerable with his images.


I just cannot believe he took up smoking again. Knowing that his heart is not good, yet he smokes. The thought totally pains me. & I thought bout our promises one of it being not to smoke and "learn bad" inside ns.

Promises are meant to be broken, with this I learn. Anyway I was the one who broke the promise first, I got nothing more to demand since its over.

Guess I will just have to learn to accept the outcome of what I did in the first place. Moving forward is still the best option after all.

you just don't know it.

Great, I got to post all over again since I forgot I cannot lock my phone else post will be gone.

So I was just saying, which girl isn't materialistic you tell me.

Which girl doesn't like their boyfriend to buy them what they want when they say they love it, pay for their expenses like spa, facial, hair, be able to treat them good meal at restaurant every time they go out?

If you're a girl and you hate guys to pay for you even to a single tiny bit, you must be lying.

Even though I dislike guys to pay for me all the time, it is good to know that he will pay for what you want every once in awhile.

The reason why I hated you to go out with your friends was because you always seemed to have money when you are with them. Pool, movie, whatever. Yet when we're together, we're always broke and could do nothing. Sometimes we even have problem affording something good.

This friend told me something like "if you think money is never an issue in r/s, you're fucking wrong." I realised and got it now. Yes, we cannot deny money is not the issue. Without money, how can a couple go out on date? How can they enjoy time together?

Though its not good that the girl becomes reliant on the guy, but once in awhile, if the guy is able to splurge on the girl, it really makes them feel pampered.

My post is getting more wordy each time. Too many to complain, too little you know.

But I guess you will never have the time again to know. I guess its only meant for myself then :)

i did think bout starting everything all over again with you, but since you already made it sound like there is no second chance, guess we will be better off like that :)